Locker Room Confidence: Dressing, Undressing, and Protecting Your Peace
Locker rooms. They are, without a doubt, one of the few places left in modern life where gender is thrown into stark, hyper-visible relief. Everything converges here: our bodies, our desperate need for privacy, our fundamental right to safety, and the often-fragile nature of our identity. It all happens inside a single, fluorescent-lit room filled with echoes, quick glances, and a thick air of unspoken, often judgmental, rules.
For many trans women, simply taking that first step through the door is enough to trigger a full-blown fight-or-flight response. And honestly? That is not irrational. Not even slightly. It’s a completely learned response. a deep reflex shaped by painful lived experiences, cautionary community stories, and the ever-present, looming possibility of being confronted, publicly embarrassed, or outright shamed.
I've been carrying the weight of this blog entry for weeks, but I stepped back for a moment after yet another locker-room confrontation went viral. This time, it involved a trans woman at a Gold’s Gym who was outed, recorded without her consent, and deeply humiliated by a cisgender Black lesbian. Watching the fallout on social media was painful. It immediately splintered people into warring factions.
Some argued that the trans woman’s past domestic violence allegations somehow justified excluding her from the space entirely. Others claimed she simply had “no business” being in the women’s locker room because she was not "passing," wasn't tucking, or wasn't presenting in a way they deemed "traditionally feminine."
And then, most painfully, came the comments from within our own trans community. Some of our own people framed the situation through the lens of early-transition "gall," white entitlement, or AGP-coded rhetoric. all of which only served to re-entrench the toxic idea that access to womanhood is strictly conditional. It was a disheartening display where acceptance was suddenly tied to beauty standards, having had surgery, being perfectly made up, and achieving a high level of assimilation.
But none of that drama unfolded in a vacuum.
It all happened inside a Gold’s Gym. a place whose entire ethos is built on hypermasculinity, competitive bodies, and decades of policing women’s gender expression. This policing has historically included cis women whose muscular physiques violated traditional expectations. The incident was also deeply shaped by the specific identity politics at play: a white trans woman being corrected by a Black stud lesbian. It was two marginalized identities colliding right at the bottom of the privilege barrel, each one differently punished by society for their own unique forms of gender nonconformity.
So, while yes, this blog is very much about building locker room confidence, it is equally about understanding why locker rooms feel so dangerous in the first place. And why, for us, protecting your peace inside them is a quiet, radical, and necessary act of self-preservation.
“Changing Rooms Trigger My Fight-or-Flight” And You’re Not Broken For That
For so many trans women, a locker room can feel inherently hostile, even before a single negative thing has happened. Years of micro-traumas and sustained cultural hostility have sharpened our senses to an unbearable degree. We anticipate the sideways glance, the too-long pause, the subtle yet piercing “Are you supposed to be in here?” tone that sends a chill down the spine.
This state of hypervigilance extends far beyond the locker room itself, often starting before we even enter the gym. It causes deep restlessness and can lead to a complete avoidance of the entire fitness space. This presents a major challenge for our community. We are already dealing with heightened rates of poverty, disability, food insecurity, and obesity, and yet we are effectively self-selecting to avoid the very spaces that could provide vital help and support.
When we enter that locker room, we’re not just undressing physically; we’re also undressing sociologically. We are removing layers of safety, anonymity, and the public armor we wear every day. And that is precisely where the anxiety lives: not in the body itself, but in the overwhelming vulnerability that the environment demands of us.
So, if your stomach tightens before you enter, or if you find yourself rushing through the process, freezing up, or having an intense desire to disappear—please know that you are not alone. You are simply having a very normal, human response to real, well-documented cultural patterns. Your nervous system has learned to protect you, and we should honor that wisdom.
This blog is here to help you build a ritual and a concrete strategy that makes the locker room survivable and perhaps, one day, even comfortable.
A Word on the Gold’s Gym Scandal And Why Passability Cannot Be the Price of Admission
The incident at Gold’s Gym wasn’t just about the mundane ethics of a changing room; it exposed a much larger cultural sickness: the pervasive belief that trans women must “qualify” for basic inclusion. That somehow, we must earn our right to exist by meeting arbitrary standards of beauty, having surgery, taking hormones, or achieving perfect adherence to cisgender norms.
And when those painful, judgmental assessments come not only from cis people, but also from other trans women who have internalized those same toxic rules, the wound becomes exponentially more painful.
The entire conversation quickly devolved into accusations about passability, outdated AGP stereotypes, body policing, and who “deserves” access to women’s spaces.
This is, heartbreakingly, not a new story.
In the bodybuilding world, which is where Gold’s Gym was born and thrives, cisgender women with highly muscular physiques were relentlessly accused of “not looking like women,” especially if they were rumored to be using performance-enhancing substances. Their voices deepened, their facial features sharpened, and their clitorises enlarged. Suddenly, the locker room became a surveillance zone for them, too.
Even cultural icons like Chyna had to navigate a world where their gender was scrutinized without end. Ironically, Gold’s Gym used to be a sanctuary for women who lived outside gender norms; cis bodybuilders and muscular athletes who actively defied every “feminine” expectation.
So, imagine the irony: a gym that once implicitly protected gender-nonconforming women now becomes the very stage for a conflict fueled by toxic purity politics.
And we cannot, for a second, ignore the racial dynamic. A Black stud lesbian recording and confronting a white transfeminine person is the very embodiment of "bottom-of-the-barrel" identity jousting. Both are groups historically stripped of easy access to "womanhood," yet now locked in a tragic power struggle to determine whose gender is more legitimate or more deserving of space.
But here is the line we absolutely cannot cross:
We cannot allow passability to become the entry fee for trans women to access basic, public spaces.
Because this exact same rhetorical tactic is used to police and exclude Black cis women in elite sports, as we’ve seen with Caster Semenya or the endless, racist transvestigation of Serena Williams. That rhetoric is rooted in racism, colonialism, and profound gendered violence.
If we set the precedent that looking "woman enough" is the new rule? None of us are safe.
Prepping for the Locker Room: Your Outfit Is Your Strategy
Layering Clothes That Work With You, Not Against You
Choose items that you can remove quickly, fold easily, and that don’t require a full, exposed strip-down. Think about layers you can peel off one at a time:
Longline sports bra → Oversized tank/Tunic → zip hoodie
Leggings → loose joggers for quick coverage
Tucking Panties / Gaffs
Breathable underwear you can adjust discreetly
2. Compression & Tucking-Friendly Fabrics
Not every workout requires tucking, and in fact, some movements and activities can cause serious pain. I wrote about the difficulties of cycling earlier. However, for pre-op dolls, I highly recommend keeping your tucking panties on at all times while in the locker room and to try your best to arrive at the gym in your full workout clothes whenever possible. Any minor adjustments can be made with privacy and dignity inside a stall.
Some alternatives to specialized tucking products include:
High-compression seamless panties
Performance shorts with a gusset
Moisture-wicking materials that reduce friction
Avoid rigid fabrics that make adjusting difficult
Remember, this isn’t about performing femininity for others. it is a core strategy for managing your own dysphoria and sensory stress.
3. Locker Placement Strategy
Yes, where you put your lock matters. This is about establishing a sense of control:
Choose an end locker or corner if available
Avoid peak traffic times around classes
Try to keep your back to a wall or corner, so you can clearly see your surroundings.
Always know where the exit is
These are not fear-based strategies, they are grounding strategies that enhance your awareness and sense of security.
Visibility Levels: Choose Yours Every Single Day
You do not owe the gym the same level of visibility every time you walk in the door. You have the absolute right to adjust your presentation based on your energy level, your dysphoria, your safety concerns, or your mood.
Possible visibility settings:
Full Tuck + Full Outfit Change: The most exposed.
Half Dressed: Staying in your tank top and underwear.
Sports Bra Only: If you're feeling a bit more solid.
No Undressing: Changing entirely at home.
Use of a Family/Private Changing Room: If available, take advantage of it.
The Emergency Big T-Shirt: A layer that covers the groin completely.
Your visibility is not a moral stance. It is not a measure of your womanhood. It does not earn you “bravery points.” It is simply a daily, necessary boundary you are setting for yourself.
Honor the version of yourself that exists today, right now, not the one you feel you should be.
How to Avoid Panic or Freeze in the Moment
Locker rooms are overstimulating: the noise, the bright lighting, the constant movement, the vulnerability. It’s a perfect recipe for your brain to short-circuit into freeze mode. Here is how you can gently interrupt that cycle.
Create a Quick Exit Plan
Just the simple act of knowing you have a plan can physically lower your heart rate:
Keep your bag half-packed, ready to go.
Undress only as much as you need to, and no more.
Have an emergency layer (a big hoodie or a robe) ready to deploy.
Identify the nearest bathroom stall, quiet hallway, or safe zone nearby.
2. Bring a Grounding Object
Something tactile you can quietly squeeze, touch, or hold without drawing attention:
A smooth river stone
A silicone ring
A bracelet or sturdy hair tie
The fabric of your hoodie pocket
When your nervous system spikes and your mind races, anchor your senses immediately with touch.
3. Use Pre-/Post-Affirmations
I don't mean cheesy lines. I mean intentional, real, and actionable ones:
Before: “My presence is not a threat. I belong here and I am safe.”
During: “Slow breath. Shoulders low. I am moving at my own pace.”
After: “I chose myself today. I put my health first. That is enough.”
Affirmations don’t magically replace safety. they create a crucial internal alignment that makes you more resilient in the face of stress.
You Deserve Safety, Stability, and Softness
Locker rooms are stressful, not because we are fragile, but because the world has built them to be battlegrounds and surveillance zones. But your presence in that space is not just valid, it is genuinely powerful.
By preparing intentionally, choosing your visibility level with care, actively grounding your nervous system, and honoring your post-gym ritual, you reclaim a little more of your peace each time you walk out the door.
You deserve to move through the world without shrinking. Without apologizing for who you are. Without constantly having to qualify your right to simply be a woman in a space meant for women.
And you absolutely deserve a gym routine that supports not just your body but your entire, beautiful process of becoming.
